Glen Rock the Soap Opera

Hiking, Humiliation, and a Whole Lotta Spiders – My Glen Rock Breakdown (Feat. Humphrey the Hero) 🥲🕷️

Ever wondered what it’s like to absolutely lose your marbles in front of a complete stranger? Wonder no more — I’ve lived it for you. Public embarrassment? Physical agony? A shredded pair of pants? This one had it all.

Let me introduce the cast of this sh*tshow:🎭 Humphrey – the most patient man on earth. (Didn’t know it before this hike. Learned it real quick.)⛰️ Mt Philp, Glen Rock, Red Rock – three peaks sent from hell to test my will to live.🕷️ At least eight spiders who introduced themselves with their teeth.🌿 Stinging plants – because apparently that’s a thing now.🐍 A couple of snakes who watched the drama unfold like it was Netflix.🙋‍♀️ And me – starring as: Sweaty, Sobbing Trail Goblin with Her Arse Out.

It started off like a dream.Thursday, 6th February 2025. I was buzzing after packing up my art exhibition at Glen Rock Gallery in Esk. The sun was shining. Birds were chirping. Life was good.

Then came the plan: meet a fellow 52 Peak Club member and smash out three peaks in one hike. That fellow? Poor, unsuspecting Humphrey.

We hit it off straight away — great chats, easy banter, all signs pointing to a new trail buddy in the making. We hit the base of the mountains, set off through the ridge, and things were still going great. We even stopped for a snack under some beautiful trees while a herd of cows watched us like we were the entertainment. Bliss.

Then we hit the ridge line.

What followed was 7 hours of steep, soul-crushing inclines, crab-walking descents, and a full-blown psychological unravelling.

First off, the trail went vertical. No nice switchbacks, no forgiving slopes — just straight up or straight down. I ran out of water, smashed through my snacks, and started leeching off Humphrey’s supplies like a dehydrated backpacking barnacle. (He never once complained. Hero.)

At the top of Glen Rock, the view was next-level. 360° of jaw-dropping glory — so, you know, worth it. But between the peaks? Nothing but crawling, scrambling, swearing, and being smacked in the face by spider webs every five steps.

Bear crawls? Turns out my old personal trainer wasn’t just torturing me for fun — they actually came in handy. So thanks, Dan. I still hate you, but thanks.

Then came Mt Philp. AKA: The Meltdown.

Picture this: I’m climbing. My arms start burning like they’ve been dipped in acid. I let out the kind of scream that would scare a banshee, and Humphrey — poor Humphrey — spins around looking absolutely concerned for my sanity.

I start crying. I’m swearing. I’m yelling at him to call a helicopter, telling him my husband’s phone number “just in case I die.” It was... a moment. Even the snake sunbaking nearby took off, probably thinking, “Nup. Too cooked for me.”

Humphrey, the saint that he is, didn’t run. He didn’t laugh. He gave me a hug, took my backpack, let me climb ahead, and never once judged me — not even when I slid down on my arse like a toddler at a water park.

Oh, and halfway through? My pants split. Yup. Cracked wide open. And this bloke, who I’d only met that morning, had to deal with my bare bum in his face every time I bent over or scrambled uphill. I didn’t even realise until I got home. Legendary.

By the last peak, I didn’t care if I lived, died, or got eaten by a snake. I just wanted off that bloody mountain.

The Wrap-Up

I hit all three peaks. Took the victory pics. Tried to look like I wasn’t falling apart inside. The second I got back to my car, I called my husband to tell him how much I loved him — that’s how dramatic I was.

And yet… Humphrey hiked with me again the very next week. Tabletop Mountain, less screaming, more laughing. So turns out there are still good people in the world — and I probably owe him a six-pack and a medal.

Final Thoughts?

✔️ Pack more snacks.

✔️ Never trust your pants.

✔️ Always test your sanity in front of someone with the patience of a monk.

✔️ Oh, and don’t forget the bush is always watching… snakes, spiders, and all.

'Til next time —– Mumma Dingo 🦘💚🩲