OH MY QUADS

If My Legs Could Talk… They’d Tell Me to Get Stuffed – 4 Peaks, Zero Views, and a Whole Lotta Regret 🥵

Friday, 01/08/2025. Mark it in your calendars, folks — the day my legs officially filed for divorce. If they had mouths, they’d have been hurling every colourfully-worded insult known to man (and a few new ones) directly at me.

Why? Because I dragged them up four ridiculously steep hikes, over loose rocks, uneven terrain, and through enough overgrown bushland to trigger flashbacks every time I see a fern.

Normally, you cop the uphill burn because there’s a reward — a view, a breeze, a sense of bloody accomplishment. Not this time. Of the four peaks, only one offered even a half-decent view. The others? Trees. Rocks. And more trees. Peak after peak of green disappointment.

What was I thinking? Oh yeah — I was chasing that sweet 52 Peak tick-off. The culprits:🟢 Mt Ninderry🟠 Mt Eerwah🔴 Mt Tububndula West🔴 Mt Tububndula East (affectionately renamed: The Tubi Boobies)

Let’s unpack the carnage:

Mt Ninderry – The Calm Before the Shitstorm

Started the day like a responsible little hiker and hit Mt Ninderry at 6am. Chose the in-and-out track over the loop to “save time” — spoiler: they’re the same length. The loop actually has better views, but look, I made the wrong call so you don’t have to.

Still, Ninderry was a sweet warm-up. Steep, yes, but the stairs are well-built and the track is as tidy as your Nan’s front garden. Plenty of early risers out walking dogs and smashing hill sprints like psychos. Trail’s easy to follow, moderately challenging, and honestly? Peaceful. Loved it. 10/10 would do again.

Then things got spicy…

Mt Eerwah – A Track Designed to Break Your Spirit (and Possibly Your Tailbone)

You know it’s going to be a special kind of hike when you roll up to a car park that looks like a private tip with a dog barking its head off. That dog? Your unofficial guide. He’ll yell at you until you find the entrance, then occasionally reappear to check you’re still alive before disappearing again like some kind of scruffy bush guardian angel.

The track? It’s vertical. It’s brutal. There are guide ropes to help you climb, and they’re not just decorative — you need them. Between the ropes, bush-bashing, rock-hopping, and praying to every knee ligament you’ve got left, it’s a full-body experience.

But you keep going, right? Because the view will make it all worth it…

WRONG.

You finally get to the top, sweaty, scratched, possibly concussed… and the “peak” is a sad little rock with a “meh” view. I lasted maybe two minutes before turning around. The dog led me back like, “See? I told you this was dumb.”

Also, he hates having his photo taken. Every time I pulled out my phone, he bolted. Got one snap — of his bum. Rude.

The Tubi Boobies – Death by Rock Scramble

The drive in was promising — bit of four-wheel drive fun, dodging ruts and puddles until I reached a wide, clean fire trail. Flat. Open. Beautiful. Lulled me into a false sense of “this won’t be so bad.”

Then came the cleavage.

The base of the two peaks: West and East Tububndula. Or, as I now call them, The Tubi Boobies — because by the end of them, I was emotionally bruised and spiritually sagging.

Flipped a coin. West it was. The track? HAH. That’s generous. You pick your own way up. Climb. Scramble. Slide. Curse. Question your life choices. More trees, more rocks, mud, uneven crap underfoot. Got to the top and…

N O T H I N G.

Just trees. No gaps. No views. Just a leafy green punch in the face.

Now, at this point, any sane person would’ve said, “Cool, let’s head home and lick our wounds.” But no. Not me. I’d committed to four peaks. So I turned to the East boob and went again.

Same brutal scramble. Even less of a view. Somehow worse. BUT — I did spot a cute little green baby snake, which was the highlight of the whole bloody hike.

Would I do the Tubi Boobies again? Not even if someone promised to carry me up with a cheese platter waiting at the top. Never. Again.

Final Thoughts from the Trail

Some hikes feed your soul. Some hikes humble you. And some hikes just absolutely take the piss. This was all three — but mostly the last one.

Would I recommend these?✔️ Mt Ninderry — yes, quick and scenic❌ Mt Eerwah — only if you enjoy pain and disappointment❌ The Tubi Boobies — NO. Just no.

But hey, I bagged four more peaks, survived, got a snake sighting and a dog with attitude — and now you get to laugh at my pain. That’s the real reason I do this.

'Til next time, stay upright out there.– Mumma Dingo 🦘🥾💚